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"Vivid and engaging."—Publishers Weekly, starred review
Embrace the Power Inside You
It's no wonder that introversion is making headlines—half of all Americans are introverts. But if that describes you—are you making the most of your inner strength?
Psychologist and introvert Laurie Helgoe unveils the genius of introversion. Introverts gain energy and power through reflection and solitude. Our culture, however, is geared toward the extrovert. The pressure to get out there and get happier can lead people to think that an inward orientation is a problem instead of an opportunity.
Helgoe shows that the exact opposite is true: introverts can capitalize on this inner source of power. Introvert Power is a blueprint for how introverts can take full advantage of this hidden strength in daily life.
Revolutionary and invaluable, Introvert Power includes ideas for how introverts can learn to:
Claim private space
Bring a slower tempo into daily life
Deal effectively with parties, interruptions, and crowds
Quiet is might. Solitude is strength. Introversion is power.
"A modern-day Thoreau."—Stephen Bertman, author of The Eight Pillars of Greek Wisdom
- Sales Rank: #129921 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-02-01
- Released on: 2013-02-01
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
"It changed my life. No kidding. Dr. Helgoe's book opened the door to discovery that has helped free me be myself." - Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World
"Like a modern-day Thoreau, psychologist Laurie Helgoe leads us to a tranquil Walden Pond within our soul, and shows us the blessings of solitude we can find there." - Stephen Bertman, author of The Eight Pillars of Greek Wisdom
"Laurie Helgoe's Introvert Power is The Bhagavad Gita for introverts....Laurie fans the embers of wisdom in each of us to honor yearnings that serve as both compass and anchor. I'm now giving myself permission to get a lock for my office door and replace my reading chair with something that would delight my younger self. I owe it to her." - Mary Hershey, author for children & young adults, co-creater of Shrinking Violets, Marketing for Introverts
"Extroverts have to read this remarkable book too. It's not just that we'll better understand the other 50 percent of the population but that they have so much to teach us. The party always ends, after all. Being alone is unavoidable. Helgoe and the introverts among us know a secret: It's after all the music and dancing stops that we often become our most graceful selves." - Ethan Watters, author of Crazy Like Us: The Globalization of the American Psyche
"I love Laurie Helgoe's book. I just wish I'd had it when I was growing up; it would have reduced the number of decades it took me to treasure my own introversion. Now as I read each page I'm saying "Yes!"" - Josephine Humphreys, novelist and winner of the American Academy of Arts and Letters Award in Literature
About the Author
Laurie Helgoe, PhD, is a writer, psychologist, part-time actor, and model-and introvert. This is her fifth book.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
INTRODUCTION
“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.” —Walt Whitman
If you haven’t been to a mosh pit, you’ve probably seen one in movies. A mob is crowded together, body to body, dancing and slamming into each other, usually at a live music club or concert. Occasionally, someone dives into the pit from the stage and “surfs” on the upraised arms of the crowd. The challenge of “moshing” is to work your way as close as possible to the band while avoiding getting trampled. Security guards keep watch in case such a thing happens, but any mosher will tell you that the pit is dangerous.
I’ve come to see the mosh pit as an apt description of American society—and of my childhood home. I was number nine of ten creative, mostly LOUD kids competing for airspace. My dad, a pastor who built pipe organs as a hobby, had wall-sized speakers in the living room that blared out classical music. When the family sang together, we sang five-part harmonies of the uncompromising Handel’s Messiah. On Christmas Eve, we had a talent show and family service, and later tore into our presents all at once, paper and ribbons flying everywhere and voices crisscrossing the room shouting out “thank you!” and “just what I wanted!” These are happy memories, because there was a part for each of us. But instead of ripping paper and shouting, I sat in my corner with my pile of gifts and handled each as a treasure, slowly and carefully opening them, preserving the paper and lingering in the delight of discovery. I was meditating in the mosh pit.
However, when there were no gifts to open and everyone was competing for airtime, I felt invisible and became over-stimulated and anxious. My anxiety was not about the pressure to socialize; there were more than enough bodies to take care of that. I became anxious because I couldn’t think, and, without my own mind, I felt like I was disintegrating. My solution was to retreat to my room and write. In my solitude I could regain contact with myself and become solid again.
I had a vivid imagination; I wrote science fiction and developed secret codes with my little sister and a neighbor girl. Though the mosh pit was stressful, I knew that retreating was an option.
I lost this freedom when I entered school.
In first grade, I got scolded for hiding out in the bathroom with a couple of girls during recess. We were sprawled out on the floor, quietly engaged in the subversive practice of—yes, coloring. That’s when I learned that my desire for quiet and solitude was bad.
I adapted. Years later, as a PhD candidate in clinical psychology, I didn’t tell anyone that I was intimidated by the prospect of sitting in the room with a stranger. I wanted to be under the surface—not to have to get there through social exchange. Again, I adapted, found success as a psychologist, and had practiced for almost ten years when I first admitted to my analyst (and myself) how taxing the “social exchange,” particularly with new clients, had been for me. This was the first time I had acknowledged the simple truth: I am an introvert.
My confession of introversion allowed me to rediscover the treasured self I had buried when I first stepped on the school bus. My analysis provided me the time and space I had craved, and I entered a personal renaissance. I took my first-ever personal retreat, letting my husband and little boys handle things while I indulged in the privacy of a remote B&B in the woods. I began an active period of writing, learned to craft candles, discovered poetry, and, for the first time, saw a world beyond the constrictions of my profession. Predictably, as I came alive, people around me—even my closest family members—got worried. What if I relinquished my hard-earned career to sell candles on the art fair circuit? What kind of crazy ideas was I getting from my analyst? It hurts when the self you most value becomes a source of worry. But once you tap into that self, the worry won’t stop you.
What kept me going was the energy I discovered. For the first time since my carefree childhood days, I experienced flow. When I took my solitary walks, I felt I could walk forever, basking in the ample space for thought and imagination. I discovered the sky and drew on its vastness as a source of comfort.
The world opened to me during these walks, and I began to envision new possibilities for my life. The image of a piano keyboard came to my mind, and I recognized that I had only learned one note—I was an expert on that note, but there were so many more to discover. The sky reminded me that there was so much more than the limited corner of the world I had come to know. I was filled with desire, and that desire led me to new notes and new places.
I had befriended my introversion and was transported by its power.
Since that opening, I have tasted the novelty of working as a model, savored the power of holding an audience captive as a stage actor, written and directed mixed-media performances, and discovered a more energizing focus for my therapy skills—helping writers excavate their “inner book.” Most satisfying of all, I have realized my desire to become an author, which has allowed me to connect with introverts—privately and quietly—across the globe.
Here’s a well-kept secret: introversion is not defined by lack. Introversion, when embraced, is a wellspring of riches. It took me years to acknowledge this simple reality, to claim my home, and to value all it offers.
Perhaps you also feel most at home within. But you’ve probably also felt the pull to abandon this home—to set up house in the world of social interactions. Even if you only enjoy an occasional visit inside yourself, you may struggle to justify such an indulgence. Because extroversion lines up so well with American values, we introverts often deprive ourselves of what we most enjoy and thrive on. So, for all of you who draw energy from inside, behind, underneath, or away from it all, welcome home.
AMERICA THE EXTROVERTED
There’s a lot to love about America—freedom, the melting pot of diversity, individualism—all attractive concepts, especially to an introvert. In fact, the introverts were probably the first to feel crowded in England and to daydream about all the space they would find in the New World. Peace! Quiet!
Fast-forward to the new millennium—and it has been a fast trip forward—in which we are more likely to associate America with office space than with “spacious skies.” We have become an outward and upward society, conquering, building, competing, buying out, improving—extroverting. The squeaky wheels get greased, the ones who snooze lose, the best team wins, and the winner takes all.
In this culture of competition, it is no wonder that those of us who prefer introversion feel anxious. We are expected to “think on our feet,” but we think best when we’re still. We’re pressured to join and keep up, when we’d rather follow an inner guide. And with the ever-multiplying multimedia—and smart phones we can access anywhere, bathroom included—the competition finds us where we live. After a day of fending off intrusions, even a friendly greeting or eager query can leave us feeling like Dr. Seuss’s Grinch (whom I’m convinced was a misunderstood introvert), covering our ears and bemoaning the “noise, noise, NOISE!”
When introverts sense invasion, we instinctively shut down to protect our inner resources. We’re no longer “all there,” but we still have to manage the incoming stimuli. We feel split: one part on watch, the other back at headquarters (an apt name, if you think about it). If communications between headquarters and the field break down, we lose access to ourselves. From this defensive position, we may feel that our only options are to practice extroversion, go underground, or go crazy.
Could it be that there’s another alternative? Perhaps we could draw on our personal and communal strengths to assert introversion in our culture. Sound like a paradox? Yes—as paradoxical as meditating in a mosh pit.
Defining Our Terms
Introversion is an inward orientation to life, and extroversion (spelled extraversion in clinical and academic literature) is an outward orientation. Though you probably use both introversion and extroversion, one of these orientations usually feels more like home—more comfortable, more interesting, and more energizing—than the other. Introverts prefer introversion; we tend to gain energy by reflecting and expend energy when interacting. Extroverts have the opposite preference; they tend to gain energy by interacting and expend energy while reflecting.
INTROVERSION FOR ALL—OR NONE
According to the psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology, Carl G. Jung, introversion and extroversion are two opposing forces, or attitude-types, within an individual. Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs, who developed the popular Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®), built on Jung’s idea that we all use both attitudes, but introverts are naturally more attracted to the world of concepts, ideas, and inner experiences, whereas extroverts prefer to focus on the outer world.
The Big Five personality system, which came into prominence in the 1990s, put a slightly different spin on introversion and extroversion. Extroversion is one of the five—the Big Five—traits identified to describe personality. Rather than seeing individuals as possessing both attitudes and preferring one to the other, the Big Five sees individuals as having more or less of a single trait called extroversion. Each of us falls somewhere along a continuum between the least extroverted and the most extroverted. And though people who fall on the “less extroverted” end may be referred to as “introverted,” the word carries no meaning independent of extroversion.
Introversion is no longer in the vocabulary.
In this single-trait model, terms describin...
Most helpful customer reviews
138 of 140 people found the following review helpful.
WONDERFUL READ
By Lanai Malu
being 71 yrs of age...I wish that this could have been one of the first books I could have read when I was a young girl. I grew up thinking I was weird because I was the only one in my family that craved quiet. I hated being called a snob..shy..and stuck up, while in school and later in my 20's on... till reading this book and finally understanding, it was normal for me to be and feel the way I do.
What an enlightening book. It made me laugh and it made me think back to all those times that I was struggling to understand. Now I do. AND, it is so true, that you are NEVER too old to learn and discover new things that will explain your many questions and forever change your outlook. I am SO very happy that Laurie Helgoe, wrote this beautiful book. I am so happy to have it in my library, to be able to refer to it anytime I need it.
This book will never be one that anyone could ever find boring. It has set me free to just be who I am, a friendly, joyful and happy person who loves people, animals and TREES...and just need a bit more quiet time than others may.
93 of 96 people found the following review helpful.
Amazingly, it changed my life, too!
By Thezwomann
I took the MBTI and discovered that I'm an introvert. Only one problem: I was convinced that I was not an introvert, because introverts are shy. Right? And I'm not shy, therefore, I am not an introvert. Right? Not exactly. Since I had barely scored anything on the "extrovert" measurement, I decided to google and find something I could read to enlighten me about what it means to be introverted. Oh My Goodness!!!! After reading this book, all I wanted to do was climb to the top of the tallest mountain in my area and shout at the top of my lungs, "I AM AN INTROVERT!!!" Not only that, I'm proud to be one. Now I understand that introversion has nothing to do with being shy or timid or anything like that. It's about how you process information and where you get your energy. I feel like I've been validated, vindicated, enlightened, and set-free to be the best version of myself I can be. I am more able to set boundaries, more able to explain why I need to be alone, more able to find moments to re-energize myself in the middle of a hectic schedule and noise everywhere, and more able to be at peace with who I am. I cannot rate this book highly enough--especially for those of you who, like me, are seeking to better understand yourself, what makes you tick, what provides you with energy (and what is draining it), and how to use the strengths of your personality type to improve your life.
73 of 76 people found the following review helpful.
INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS SHOULD READ!
By leo
Fun book to read for both introverts and extroverts. Here's what I learned from it...
-The field of psychology labeled introversion a disorder until recently
-America is an extroverted society equalling more murders, but Japan is an introverted society equalling more suicides
-Depression commercials appeal to introverts because society tells us we should always be happy
-Pharmaceutical companies, especially those that make pills for depression have a hard time selling them in Japan, where
introversion and reflection are respected.
-Introverts prefer a neutral state of being than an excited state that extroverts prefer
-Introverts prefer dry humor and melancholic music and intimacy vs large crowds
-People aren't depressed, they are unexpressed. People overindulge when they underindulge their creativity.
Easy read. Teaches you how to navigate a social situations and gives a great history lesson on how introversion.
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